Chicago Culture Vulture

devouring theatre, film, and food

Mad Woman @ Caribou Coffee

I am sitting in the Caribou at the corner of Aldine and Broadway – working on a play, checking Facebook, and procrastinating on the internet. A 45-year old woman with long, grey hear, blue jeans, and a blue bag takes a seat across from me. She starts to speak, but no one is there. I can’t concentrate, so I start transcribing.


Fucking idiots. Get your useless butts out of here. Take your friend out of here. I’m not at all interested in Koreans. Ignore their Indian nonsense. Let it rain. Northwestern Law. The real Northwestern Law. Certainly not a P.O. Box. It’s hysterical . Ignore them. Find an appropriate role. Both of their friends. They don’t know what to do with these Asians, it’s hilarious. We’re not calling them. What’s to call? We’re not calling. That’s why they’re dying inside. No one is calling.

Come on in! Here we are. (laughs). University of Phoenix. Their useless butts. Illinois Masonic Health Advocates. LSCW, LCSW, you belong there. Worth is the third gender. Hope is nothing.

(singing) You and I must make a pact. We must bring salvation back.


University of Chicago, Singapore, London.

(singing) I’ll reach out my hand to you. Just call my name and I’ll be there.

University of Chicago. In the bleacher section. We got Fidelity. 401. Tomorrow’s …They moved NBC –  Look at your new friend. It’s hysterical. They’re begging him to end, we’ve been to Jewel. The Japs and Jews are gonna split it 50/50. We’re not interested in your little friends. We’re kicking them out. LCSW. University of Phoenix.

Where are all the fat people? The Joe Bidens. Two lawyers.

Sharon Cartwright.

Rich and Dolores. Richard is an unattractive, illiterate Nazi.  They’re crying about buns in McDonald’s! You certainly can’t do Ayn Rand. There is no Chicago theatre. We have St. Frank’s, St. Jospeph’s. Artist are illiterate. Close up the fair. It’s done. $5. Get the idiot family members out. Close up the fair. Now there’s no music. There was no music with Korea either. We’re not interested in the yellow booths, I’m not interested in your ideas. Everything is crap. September 12. We don’t care. Northwestern. Just keep working and we’ll buy something else.

Take our bags, so no one steals anything.

We’ve got plenty of sushi. Phonies. Machine guys. Richard Jacobson does nothing. You put $5 in for art.

I don’t want your bus pass. I’ve got a little Walgreens. We’re not your friends. We have everything you’ve ever known. We don’t have anything. 39.56. I’m not leaving, I’m just getting up. We have one table here. The library. We’re not interested in the music. We’re not interested in YOU!

She gets up and walks by me.

Too bad. We’re not your friends. We’re not interested in the pink umbrella.* We’re not at the library.

Michael Jackson is taking everyone to jail.

Run. Run.

She opens the door and leaves.

Thank you everyone!

*Note: I had a pink umbrella.

photo (2)


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This entry was posted on September 15, 2013 by in Uncategorized.
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